The last post reminded me of a joke.
Man goes to the doctor and says, "There's something odd wrong with me. Every time I take a dump, it comes out looking like French fries."
Doc asks him to strip off and lie face down on the couch to be examined. Suddenly, the patient hears the doctor rummaging around in his desk. He looks round and is horrified to see him approaching the couch with a large pair of sharp scissors.
"No, no, Doc!" he screams as the doctor looms over him with the blades in his hand.
"Relax," says the doctor. "I'm only going to cut a few inches off your string vest."