The nether regions

This is not a subject for the sensitive so, if you're eating, or are prudish about pudenda, exit this blog right now!

When one thing goes wrong 'down below', it seems to have a knock-on effect. Or maybe it's the perennial migrating cream problem. You smear it on the piles and as you walk, it is squished about and reaches parts it was not intended for, the result being a new problem involving itchiness, soreness and a desire to immerse one's posterior in a bucket of cool water for a week.

Women's anatomy is badly constructed. Whereas men can slap on the pile cream knowing that there's no way it can be transferred to the sensitive flesh of the glans unless they go in for contortionist self-penetration (I once had a boyfriend who could achieve this by means of a shoulder stand), women are unfortunately built with no natural barrier between anus and vulva apart from a short length of flesh - which, in my case, is where my piles are happily sitting. Dry up the piles with cream and one also dries up the skin at the rear of the vagina, with very painful results. At the moment, I am trying diluted tea tree oil on both, with little effect as yet. Pass the water bucket, somebody, and put some ice in while you're about it.