Well, half of one, anyway. It must have been about 3.30 am when I awoke having had a horrid dream about my mum. This is only the second dream I have had about her since she died 12 years ago. I don't want to give the details as they were so lurid and all to do with sexuality and dementia, but at the end of it she told me that she felt she could never do a thing right as far as I was concerned and that I didn't like anything she did, wore or said. In the dream - and this is true in real life, too - I told her emphatically that it was the opposite, that I loved her and appreciated everything she did, but felt that I was the one who could never do or say the right thing! I think there is an essential truth here, that Mum and I never really understood each other even though we were so alike in so many ways. I often wonder if it was because I'd been separated from her for the first 24 hours after my birth, as I was so badly bruised and battered.
And then... and then, I got a twinge in the tooth the dentist had worked on yesterday and that did it. Wide awake, stomach clenched in fear, adrenalin surging through my veins, or wherever adrenalin surges, and I couldn't get back to sleep but lay there in dread anticipation of terrible toothache. There have been one or two more twinges but that's all so far. I'm still wound up with anxiety, though. Wish I wasn't such a coward!
LATEST TOOTH UPDATE
The pain and sensitivity are just as bad as they were £100-worth of treatment ago (an hour and a quarter in the chair, loads of drilling out of decay and and old amalgum, and a temporary filling). I found that out when I prodded it. Oh no! My worst fears are realised. My fate is root canal treatment or extraction. I feel sick.
Hello Again!
4 months ago
1 comment:
I hope you're feeling better now. I can understand why you dread extraction or root canal work.
I've got a dental check up tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that all is well.
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