Wednesday 16 July 2008

Still the cold silence.

Still not a word from my friend. Someone suggested that perhaps my text was delayed, or that she never received it and thought I had just stood her up. This could be the case. I sometimes haven't received a text till many hours later, or even the following day. But surely she would have rung me? I mean, I could have been mown down by a bus en route!

Then I thought, maybe something has happened to her, or one of her family. Ever since another close friend dropped dead in July 2007, I have been only too aware that this can happen to any of us, any time. So I sent her another email last night asking if she was OK and to let me know because I was worried about her.

But still nothing. I am starting to feel angry now - angry at being punished for a crime I didn't commit. My ulcer is screaming. I'd just managed to control it and had had no pain for five days, and now, because I've been so upset, I have the familiar sensation of having had my stomach scrubbed out with a Brillo pad dipped in sulphuric acid. I know she doesn't read my blog. If only she did, I would say please, please get in touch. Don't let years of friendship and shared memories die because of one misunderstanding. Because that's what it is. Unless... Another friend suggested that maybe she had realised she didn't want me to live near her after all, in case I begged lifts off her all the time. But I really don't think she's that petty. Passionate, as only a Jewish Italian woman can be - sensitive, over the top crazy funny, but not petty. I miss her like hell.

2 comments:

Jackie Sayle said...

It seems to me that the only way to find out what's happening once and for all, and to settle things, is to ring directly to the house 'phone or to go and visit in person. At least you'll know one way or the other then and be able to either sort it out, or make a start on coming to terms with it. xxx

I'm only on the end of a 'phone if you need a sounding board or a shoulder.

Good luck.

hydra said...

She won't answer her phone Jac. Both landline and mobile are on permanent answerphone. She's really, really avoiding me and as she lives 25 miles away and 2 hours by public transport, I can't keep popping over till I catch her in. Having lost one really good friend only a year ago, and another the year before that, I couldn't bear to lose this one too. I really do feel heartbroken - and bewildered. I just don't know what I've done wrong and it hurts so much. Thanks for your support. xx