eBay Virgin

I am bidding on eBay for the first time ever - for, of all things, a hammock stand. I came away from the car boot sale the other weekend with a huge hammock, thinking there must be somewhere in Mr G's garden where I could sling it. Unfortunately, there wasn't, unless I wanted to sling it betwixt the rogue apple tree that seeded itself next to the bonfire pit, and the decaying shed which is (gasp) the hunting territory of The Lone Hornet!

Now, this hornet has been there for some years. He (or she) is very large and very inquisitive and if you accidentally stray onto his hunting ground, he strafes you. In fact, Mr G jokes, "If you want to know where the hornet is, just follow the scorch marks," meaning the ones my feet have left in the grass as I ran away at Olympic gold medal sprinting speed.

Hammock stands seem to sell for upwards of £50. I have put in a bid of £20 and the auction closes in two hours' time. Wish me luck! I shall need to use my Paypal account. Last time I tried to do this, it wouldn't work. Aaargh! Now I've started worrying and it's too early for a glass of wine. Beer? Hmm. Maybe...