Bloody cholesterol!

Literally! I have had a Boots cholesterol test kit lurking in the kitchen for ages as, being too cowardly to prick my own finger with the lancet (!) supplied with the kit, I was waiting for a natural accident to occur. Today it did. I slashed my little finger on the razor sharp edge of the copper tape that had arrived to protect my plant pots from slugs.
"Quick! Open the kit!" I shrieked to Mr Grumpy, while dripping blood all over the kitchen floor.
"I can't read it, I haven't got my glasses on," grumped Mr G.
"Quickly! I'm bleeding to death here," I moaned, cupping a palmful of blood that had run down from my fingertip.
Without glancing at the instructions, he ripped open a cardboard thingy and said, "Put some blood here." I blotted my finger against it and smeared the designated spot with blood. "Now wait three minutes," he said.
I gave it five for good measure, then looked. All I could see was a splodge of blood. Then, and only then, I read the instructions. The blood should have been dripped onto the outside of the kit, not the inside, it should not have been touched with the finger and the three minutes was vital for accuracy. So I still don't know if my cholesterol is okay.
This is my third attempt. My first was when a cholesterol testing van parked outside Sainsburys about two years ago. "Oh good," I declared to Mr G. "I'll go and get it tested." Then I saw the sign that said, £15. Bugger that, thought I and walked away. The second was when I booked an appointment at the local chemist. When I turned up, I was informed that the guy who did the tests had left and they no longer offered the service. All I can say is, hope it will be fourth time lucky, before I either expire of blood loss or attack Mr G with the lancet for wasting another £5-worth of kit!