Hidden lust!

I typed 'hidden list' first time. Freudian slip? Anyway, the last two nights I've been having amazing dreams. Two nights ago I was such a secret secret agent that even the intelligence agencies had no knowledge of me. My ex literary agent was involved in this one as he got me into the offices of - I dunno, MI5? - then he and some high-up spook disappeared down a corridor, leaving me to find my own way out which involved lots of bluff and spook-speak, all the while with some secret papers covered in strange symbols burning a hole in my pocket. On top of all this, I realised I was suffused with lust for the literary agent. I woke up thinking how enigmatic he was, and that that was the secret to his sexuality. Well, really!

Last night, I was with Mr G at an open air rock gig. We were sitting in a field watching this Bonzo Dogs type band playing weird instruments. Then a couple came up to him - some characters from his past - and they got talking and Mr G said that the woman (with tight grey curls and rather coarse skin) could have been his daughter and probably was. Next thing, they'd all vanished. Soon, though, I was joined by a member of the band who took me for a drink. He was just the kind of hippy I'd have fancied 35 years ago, pale skin and afro hair and big brown eyes and a kind of love-and-peace, calm aura about him. Probably stoned out of his skull! We got talking about music and I felt more and more attracted to him. Not just physically, either. Turned out he was a free spirit who lived at a friend's farm in the country and loved nature. There was something very healing about being in his presence.

Then my friend Penny came up (haven't seen her for ages in real life) and ruined it as he got up to go, while I was still ripping bits of paper out of my address book, tearing up people's details as I tried to find a scrap big enough to scribble my email address on; in my haste I kept writing it down wrong. Then it was too late, he'd gone.

Penny apologised and we got talking, but later he was suddenly standing there and telling me, "I recognise the writer's haunted-eyed look" and said he was going to dedicate an album to me. This time I did manage to give him my email address and said, "Nothing heavy, let's just chat, what's your name?" and he told me "Moor", like the TV detective Morse. But Moor suited this creature of the fields and countryside. I suddenly saw beyond normal dimensions and saw him as being more than a normal human being. "You're an earth angel," I told him. "You've been put here to heal." He just smiled and walked off, leaving me still with this feeling of being totally suffused in feelings of attraction for him on all levels.

What IS going on in my head? I feel I'm getting in touch with sides of me that I haven't been in touch with for a long time.