Addict or goal-driven?

I never thought I had an addictive personality. I managed to give up smoking without too much difficulty, apart from my first ever attack of bronchitis plus a sensation, that went on for months, that someone was gripping my throat and squeezing. I own up to the occasional alcoholic binge at a party, which I always regret for days after as booze annoys my stomach ulcer and gives me a migraine. I buy the occasional lottery ticket, but am not driven to buy one every single week, and I have never placed a bet on the gee-gees. So why am I now wasting over an hour a day (understatement!) playing word games on the computer?

Having achieved the highest Pathwords score of my group (1550), why do I feel such a need to better it that I play at least ten games a day, trying to see if my brain is brighter at spotting words in the morning, at noon, or at night? Once I get onto Pathwords, I am a driven soul. I ignore the phone, I snarl at Mr Grumpy and if I really MUST break away mid-game to answer the door, I am a snarling, spitting, cussing fiend. As far as Babble is concerned, if it's a large grid, I content myself with scoring 1000. That's my target.

And I guess that is the crux of the matter. Not having a job any more, and being used to work deadlines, I have lost my focus and am desperately in need of a goal of some sort, a target to achieve. Where once it was getting my magazine, Loving, to the printers on time, now it is finishing Babble or scoring a higher goal in Pathwords. Tragic, isn't it?

So I have decided to set myself a new target, which is to start a new book and give myself a deadline to finish it in. I know I can do it. Only trouble is, it lacks the short-term thrill of achieving a quick finish. I guess I shan't be giving up Pathwords.

PS: 6.20pm. Got a new high score of 1750 points. Am I sad?