My sister's mice

My sister has mice. Bigtime. Not cutesy little pet mice that wiffle their whiskers, run round in toy wheels and emit endearing squeaks when they want to be fed, but horrible invaders from outdoors, that eat all her riding and mountaineering gear that she keeps in every spare cupboard. Sensitive readers, close this blog now. For those who are made of sterner stuff, here is a description of what she has tried so far, and their scores.

Sonic deterrents that make a high-pitched sound that mice supposedly can't bear. Score - 0. The mice kept coming. Either they were deaf or they wore earplugs. (Or earwigs.)
Sticky traps that glue the mouse by feet, tail and anything else that touches the base - 1 mouse trapped then Sis threw out traps because they were so cruel.
So-called 'humane' traps that trap the mice alive so you can throw them out, only to have them come back later. Score - 3, but as she went away for a few days, the rodents died horrible deaths by getting chilled by, and drowning in, their own urine. Ugh!
Old-fashioned baited traps that clang shut and either trap the mouse by some part of its anatomy or poison it. Score - quite a lot, but all horrible demises. One mouse gnawed off its own feet. Sis couldn't bear to kill it and threw it out in the garden where, presumably, it made itself a pair of stilts. Hah. Was dinner for a rat or a falcon, more likely. She lives in the Lake District where I watched a peregrine carry off a blue tit that was innocently dining from Sis's bird feeder.

My friend who used to be a school lab technician once accidentally poisoned a cageful of mice by squirting the room with Raid to kill escaped bluebottles - the very same Raid with which I spray wasps in my study. Note to myself: test my lung function.

Then Mr Grumpy happened to recall the good old Victorian method for killing mice without resorting to traps or poison. Mix one third white plaster of Paris with two thirds icing sugar. Place in bowl in infested area, or near the hole the mice get in by. About a foot away, place a shallow dish of water. A mouse has a very sweet tooth. "This is jolly yummy," they will think, munching on the white powder. Then they'll need a drink. Water sets plaster of Paris solid. Mouse dies when its innards seize up solid, much like yours and mine do after too much festive fare (unless you're lucky - oops, unlucky - enough to have eaten the bit with salmonella). Still not nice, but at least you don't need to see it with awful injuries, or have to bash it on the head to kill it. As a method, it's very environmentally friendly, if not exactly mouse-friendly. Just keep the bowl away from small children, especially those who have been given a furry fancy dress costume for Christmas.