My blog friend Jacula has poured scorn on my worries and says I should stop looking for excuses to cop out. I don't understand her attitude. Why should I want to cop out of doing enjoyable things with people I love? I had been looking forward to going there for weeks, but I couldn't enjoy myself when I was feeling ill, and I didn't want to be a pain in the a*** by merely nibbling at the gorgeous food she cooks and having to retire to bed with a hot water bottle on my tum.
For the last three or four years, I have spent at least three out of every seven days feeling ill. This has no bearing on whether or not I am supposed to be going anywhere. I can have four days of feeling normal, then suddenly the pain is back. As well as a general all-over, burning, gassy type of ache, I have a pain in my right side that makes me feel as if I've been kicked by a horse. At one time, it swelled up into a tennis ball sized lump, but I was abroad and couldn't do much about it and the lump had subsided by the next day. I can rarely sleep on my right hand side and if I do, I need a cushion tucked under me.
There is something wrong, but nobody quite knows what and as I manage to stagger on, helped by the occasional pill, the doctor isn't doing anything. I suppose I should make more of a fuss, but I don't like going to the doc's except if something is really bad, because I don't like taking up their time when there are much sicker people than me who need their help. I suppose I go two or three times a year.
As for copping out, I am a gregarious person who loves to have fun - but I can't have fun when I am in so much discomfort all the time. Like everyone when they feel off-colour, I just want to hibernate.
I started this blog as a form of diary for myself. I wasn't concerned about whether it was read or not. I intended it to chronicle my search for natural cures for my ills, but I haven't found anything that has really worked. If you think I am just a hypochondriac, fair enough, you are entitled to your opinion. And you don't have to read my ramblings, anyway!
It took a lot of guts for me to write about the rape. I hate remembering it. And in fact it was the second time I have been raped. I was raped by a stranger, in my house on a Sunday morning, when I was 21 and my parents were on holiday. I took an overdose but woke up after 18 hours, staggered into work and told my boss, who said I shouldn't go to the police as they weren't at all sympathetic in those days and always accused a woman of leading a man on. So I didn't, and the rapist got away with it.
Since then, I have been at knifepoint twice, gunpoint once and have managed somehow to escape with my life. If I were to write a book about it, I don't think anybody would believe it. Only the friends who were close to me at the time know it is all true.
My blog entry yesterday was my way of trying to explore what is going on, looking for reasons and possible causes. I don't think I was being over-imaginative. My sister is urging me to get tested, to put her mind at rest as well as my own. So I shan't apologise for sharing this with you. As I said before, if you think I am just a sad hypochondriacal whinger, then, to paraphrase the Rolling Stones, "Hey, you, get offa my blog!"
Just a Quickie
4 years ago
7 comments:
I think you should write a book about your experiences - some good should come of it all and you may well find it cathartic.
Had you ever looked into Candida as being responsible for many of your symptoms? Once it's invaded your system it causes no end of problems.
http://www.candida-society.org/ncs/symptoms.htm
And I agree with your sister - get that test done to put your mind at rest. I'm pretty sure the results come back very fast these days so you wouldn't have to wait too long.
A really good acupuncturist might help? You may have tried this, but alternative therapies can offer a great deal. Reiki (for example) can also often pinpont the basic problem.
Good luck.
I wonder if it could be Candida, Teresa? I do get thrush a lot. I shall look into that. Thanks very much!
Frances, I have tried acupuncture for other things and not had good results, but it's worth trying it again. I'd never thought of it for my stomach. I practise reiki myself, but it never seems to work when I do it to me! I'd like to hear more about your experiences with it. Again, many thanks. I am at my wits' end. There's nothing worse than grinding pain day in, day out.
Hydra, I too have been taught Reiki, but have much more confidence when someone more experienced does it (I have a magic friend who's very good at it).
Another suggestion: Chinese medicine. Have you tried that? I know people who've had good results with that.
I agree with you about Reiki. I have no faith in my abilities except when treating animals, who seem very receptive, and whom it does seem to help. I tried Chinese medicine a couple of years ago. I paid out lots of money, well over £100 for six sessions of herbs and acupuncture but felt no difference at all. Perhaps that particular practitioner was no good. His acupuncture hurt like hell!
Hydra - I didn't mean to be unkind. I was trying tough love because you seem to be on a downward spiral and I hate seeing you like that. I don't think you're faking your illness but I do feel you are getting so weighed down by various circumstances that you feel helpless and lost and you need someone to hold out their hand and help you out of the abyss into which you seem to be falling. I don't want to see you fall and get lost. I want you to find away back up and into the sunlight.xx
Thank you, Jacula. My guts are still feeling grim despite (or perhaps because of) the antibiotics. I'd just like to wake up feeling okay one day soon!
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