Monday, 15 March 2010

Cotton bras

I have developed what can only be described as a bra allergy. I itch where the straps pull tight when my shoulder blades move, and get red lines and itchy pimples where the flesh collides with the bra when I move my arms forward. I found a very old (we're talking a good fifteen years) cotton bra and it did the trick. Not a single itch. So I decided what I needed was a new cotton bra (at least one).

I went into Uxbridge. First stop was the lingerie department of Debenhams. They had lots of pretty, padded, lacy, flowery, scratchy bras but the only soft cotton ones were the sports bra type with no padding. Boy, do I need padding to prop up and shape my floppy poached egg boobs. If I could turn back the clock, I'd have had a boob job. No point now as I'll never get them out on the beach again, or even in bed unless the light is out. My tranny friend is now the proud possessor of a pair of DD cup size tits. Bitch! Anyway...

My next port of call was BHS where I couldn't find any in my size (38B, quite hard to find as manufacturers seem to forget that the 38 part refers to the breadth of your frame and not the size of your mammaries and only supply 38's in C and larger).

Finally, I hit La Senza where there were wall to wall sexy bras. I asked if they had any cotton ones and was led to a rack containing a not unpleasant bra in either black or white, with lace edging and a bow. I paid a tenner and bought a black in 38B.

Feeling thrilled, I got it home, ripped it from its pretty packaging (the sales assistant insisted on filling the shiny bag and the tissue paper with scented pink beads which naturally bounced all over the bedroom floor) and the first thing I noticed was that it wasn't cotton but Polyamide and Modal. Now, I'm not sure what Modal is but it's certainly not cotton. (Pause while I Google it.) In fact, it is 'reconstituted cellulose taken from beech trees, and similar to rayon. It felt soft enough, though so I put it on... well, I tried to put it on, but they must have mixed up inches and centimetres because I could barely get the clasp to meet at the back and even my poached eggs spilled out, squashed by the tiny cups. I think it was made for a Barbie doll.

I didn't take it back today to demand my money back as I have been on a memory foam mattress expedition (another story) but I shall tomorrow. In the meantime, I got fed up and ordered a pack of two cotton bras off the M&S website and have just had an email to tell me they are on their way. At least there will be one bra for each boob if they turn out to be too small!

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