Phoning in the loo

I've been told that I should have mentioned people who take their phones into the toilet in my last post. I don't know about you, but I think talking to people while you're performing a bodily function is beyond the pail - oops, pale. I have been carrying on a normal conversation with someone, have heard a splashing sound, asked what it was and been told, "I'm on the bog having a dump." I ask you! This is too much information. You wouldn't do that if you were talking to someone face to face, so at least be polite enough to excuse yourself - you don't even have to say where you're going - and tell them you'll call them back later.

I wouldn't dream of taking my mobile into the bathroom with me. Think of the accidents that might befall it. Bathrooms are full of receptacles for water. Loos are full of... whatever. You don't want your phone to go there. In fact it reminds me of someone I used to work with. When he was 11, his father gave him a tape recorder for his birthday and, being an 11-year-old schoolboy, he decided to record himself farting. Only he tried a bit too hard and the microphone was being held a bit too close. I never asked what had happened after that. But think: would you want your mobile to suffer the same fate? Though I suppose it depends on whether or not you're one of those people who talks out of their, er, derriere.

So next time you're halfway through a conversation with me and nature calls, have some of what the French call, with exquisite accuracy, delicatesse, and spare my ears and my imagination. Keep your ablutions private or your service provider might suddenly change from 02 to 0-poo.