A humorous look at bodily ills and daily woes, and tips from someone who has suffered everything from arthritis to athlete's foot.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
The Gift-Wrap Rap
My nerves and tongue are snapping as I do my Christmas wrapping And my language and the air are turning blue As I make a nice, neat packet of my sister's sparkly jacket, Then find that two hands simply will not do.
As my left hand grimly holds the reindeer-patterned folds, My right gropes for the Sellotape in vain, Just to find the stuff is stuck in a nail-defying tuck And the end is never to be seen again.
I hear the paper rip as I release my grip To go scrabbling at the tape with huff and puff. Then behind my back the parcel spills out across the carpet, Collecting lots of cat hairs, dust and fluff.
I shake and brush and blow (thank God she'll never know), Then I reach for sticky tape with happy grin, For I've thought of something clever; I'll cut several strips together And I'll park them for the moment on my chin.
Aha! This is the ticket! I can hold and fold and stick it And rip my chin hairs out for free as well. But as I get underway, Sod's Law comes into play With a ding-dong-bloody-bing-bong on the bell
I get a funny look as I sign the postie's book; In fact his attitude is downright weird. But as I pass the mirror, I scream aloud and shiver At the sight of mad old bag with sticky beard.
At last my wrapping's done, though my chin looks like a plum. As I glug my well-earned wine I vow, "No more!" Next year I won't go crackers, I'll just pay the extra ackers To have the blinking lot wrapped by the store.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE, AND MAKE SURE YOURECYCLE YOUR PAPER FOR NEXT YEAR!