Fingers and flat

I went to see the doctor today and she agreed that my fingers are in a very bad way ("They shouldn't be this bad in a woman of your age," she said) and she promptly went onto her computer and found me an appointment with a finger specialist at my local hospital. I expected to have to wait for at least four months, if not longer, but the appointment is for 9th October. Oh God! I shall still be writing the book then. But I couldn't turn the opportunity down, though heaven only knows what, if anything, they can do. If they suggest surgery, that will certainly put paid to my writing for a while. For several months, I would imagine.

After my hassles with the mortgage company, I rang the estate agent today and guess what? The couple who are selling the flat have found their dream house in Windsor, had their offer accepted, and now the wife has lost her job and they can't get their mortgage until she's found an other one. It could take ages for her to find another, with the job market being like it is, but I am so desperate to find somewhere nice and warm so I don't have to freeze here all winter. Part of me wants to tell them I'll wait, and the selfish part of me is telling me to ditch it and find an empty, chain-free property that I can get into within a few weeks.

I really don't know what to do. Every time I have tried to buy a flat or house in the last two years, something has prevented me. It seems Fate is trying to keep me here. But why? So I can keep taking care of Mr G, Charlie, the foxes, being a surrogate mum to Step? But why should all this mean I have to suffer Mr G's irrational outbursts, the cold, the fleas and the constant interruptions to my work? Where is the balance, the middle ground? When will the day come when I can be me again?

Sorry, it's another self-pitying post which I promised I wouldn't do. Oh dear...

I've written 27,000 words of the book. Once I get to 30,000, I shall feel able to take a day off. Or half a day, at least. Hope I get a contract at the end of all this work, I really do!