The Playgroup

My friend Jane's new novel, The Playgroup, is being published today. If you click on the link to her website, you can read the first chapter. I was surprised to find it was 59 pages long - quite a lot to give away for free - but it is a nice, zingy read. She's having a launch party in London tonight but I have stupidly double-booked myself as the invivation came so long ago that I forgot all about it. Doh!

http://www.janeyfraser.co.uk/

More writing leads

A few days ago I posted a link to a year-old tip list of what publishers were looking for. Today, the 2012 version popped into my in-box! Here it is, though it's a bit heavy on the non-fiction side.

http://www.andrewlownie.co.uk/2012/01/10/what-editors-want-2012

And here is an all-too-true movie clip about the kinds of things agents and publishers are always telling us poor writers.

http://workflowwriting.com/653426/s-agents-and-editors-say.php

Robbed!

You're a bit confused when you get woken up in the middle of the night. I could hear muffled bangs and crashes and at first I thought it was Mr Grumpy stumbling to the loo in the middle of the night. Then I heard a deafening crash and shot up, terrified, thinking perhaps he'd had another stroke and was flailing around. I was terrified, heart pounding as I climbed out of bed. Then I noticed the outside security light had come on and was gleaming through the curtains so I looked out of the window - it was 1.15 by now - and saw the garage door swinging wide open.The locks had been broken.

Not thinking for a moment that anyone might still be lurking, I dashed out in my pyjamas and socks, but there was nobody to be seen. Next, I went upstairs and woke Mr Grumpy. He came down and found all his most expensive equipment like his chainsaw and electric hedge-trimmers were missing.

"Get in the car and drive round the streets, they can't have got far," I said. I also suggested ringing the police, but he thought it wasn't worth it... that they wouldn't be bothered with such a small crime, which amounted to about £1000-worth of stuff (not small in my book!). He also said it wasn't insured. He then proceeded, in minus 5 degrees C, to get out his drill, which hadn't been taken, and nail the wooden garage doors shut.

I am furious. Anyone who's been burgled knows that it feels like a violation. And we have a good idea who was responsible, too. A very dodgy pair of Irish tinker types, who were doing hedge-cutting in the area and did a job for our next-door neighbour, came round and asked Mr G if he had some hedge-trimmers they could borrow as theirs had just broken. Mr G kindly unlocked the garage, which gave them a jolly good view of the contents. They gave him a business card 'in case he needed any jobs doing', ha ha, and when our neighbour tried to ring them a day or so later, the numbers didn't work.

It's now 1.53 am, I have had a mug of tea with a shot of whisky in it - for shock, of course - and I am going to back to bed, though actually I shall probably read my book for the rest of the night. It's one of Elizabeth Peters' Amelia Peabody mysteries, in case you're wondering, which feature lots of nocturnal goings-on, murderers clambering across balconies, shadowy figures wielding knives, the odd tomb robber and a whole host of evil villains in disguise. Somehow, I don't think I shall get any more sleep tonight.

Brrrrrrrrrr!

It was 5 degrees C in my bedroom when I woke this morning after a fitful night's sleep (probably because my head and face were so chilly). It doesn't sound so bad if you say 40 F, but it's still too cold for me. Mind you, Mr G says the temperature in his bedroom in the attic (where my laptop is permanently plugged in, the battery having died) was 27 degrees F. That's below freezing! It's a wonder (a pity?) he didn't go into hibernation!

What IS wrong with this house? Could it be something to do with the fact that he hand-made all the windows and they don't fit, and the curtains flap in the draught? I have GOT to move. Went to see a lovely house yesterday but unfortunately there was a building site next door where a block of flats and an office building are due to be constructed. As peace and quiet tie with warmth at the top of my wish list, I couldn't even consider it. Shame. Why didn't they refrain from putting it on the market until the building work was finished? Or maybe they can't stand the thought of living through months of heavy construction work, either.

Nothing ever goes simply in life, does it? I went to the the dental hygienist yesterday and while she was busy chipping away, a filling fell out. Oh dear, more expense. At least I have loads of editing work. Four jobs have piled up, my sister is visiting next week so she can see Fairport Convention with me, and the weekend after, I am going to stay with my friend in Liverpool and go to see Fishermen's Friends at the Philharmonic. That's the concert hall where we had all our school prizegivings, so it will bring back a memory or two. I don't think I have set foot in it for forty years! (Should I be admitting that? Oh, vanity, thou art my main failing as a human being! Apart from criticising Mr Grumpy, that is...)

The teeth are gritted (even if the roads aren't).

A writing friend rang me tonight and told me about Tulisa (who?) getting a three boook deal. I can't repeat some of the things we said, which boiled down to how hard it was to get a publishing deal these days unless you were a young female celeb with big boobs, or a male comedian with a raunchy past. So I was glad to find the following blog, which expresses my thoughts on the subject perfectly.

http://www.novelicious.com/2012/02/novelicious-natters-tulisas-book-deal-with-headline.html

Am I being unfair? Or just jealous? It seems patently obvious that in these strapped-for-cash times, just plain talent doesn't cut it any more. You need a name, some fame, or even some blame.

A walk in the snow

Although the patch of woodland at the end of the road isn't that extensive, or even that wild, I still managed to stray off the path and get lost, as the track was blocked by a fallen bough and I had to force my way through the prickly undergrowth. I could have done with a machete.

    I loved the way that having a snowy upper surface emphasised the shapes made by the boughs.

                              Something had dug for hidden treasure in last autumn's oak leaves...

                                                            Probably this little fellow!

                          The deserted playground in the park beyond the woods looked quite surreal.

                     And whatever species of canine left this footprint, it must have been huge!

As I headed for home, a pallid sun looked like the silver moon amongst the branches, turning the woods to monochrome.

A must-read for all my writing friends

http://www.andrewlownie.co.uk/2011/01/13/what-editors-want

Perhaps you have already encountered this list of what editors are looking for. Yes, it's a year old but I still found it eye-opening - and I'm pretty sure most of those people are still there, and won't have changed their wish-list much.

I subscribe to a daily book business newsletter - http://www.booktrade.info/freesheet/ - which often contains info about commissioning editors and publishers; who has changed jobs, who has launched a new imprint. I have just started keeping a list so that I have a name to send sample chapters off to.

When I help get submission packages together for authors, my first piece of advice is always to ring first and get a name to send your submission to because Dear Agent, or Dear Commissioning Editor just doesn't cut it. It shows you haven't done your homework and your work will wing its way back unread - or, worse, be frisbee'd into the nearest bin!